Experience of Visiting an Old Age Home

Today I am alarmed to see the growth of Old Age Homes across India. Why Old Age Homes? We, once lived, unitedly as a Joint Family under one roof with different blood relatives – father, mother, grandma, grandpa, uncle, aunty, grandchildren and many more, now living a pathetic life of loneliness.

For generations, India had a prevailing tradition of the Joint Family or undivided family. The system is an extended family arrangement prevalent throughout the Indian subcontinent, particularly in India, consisting of many generations living in the same home, all bound by a common relationship.

Parents are a treasure that children should guard zealously. Treat your parents as assets, not a liability. Let them feel wanted and not a burden.

Though it sounds unbelievable it’s true that there are children who leave their old parents destitute to die. This has added to the mushrooming of old age homes in India. What I think is that old age homes should be homes only for those types of people who don’t have anybody to look after them in their old age. But, it’s very sad that this is no more a reason for the old to live in such homes. Rather it has become a blessing for those children who consider their old parents as a burden and have no time for them. These homes are a bane for the old.

The family is headed by a senior person called a ‘Karta’ or ‘Murabi’ in the Odia language, usually the oldest male or female, who makes decisions on economic and social matters on behalf of the entire family. S/he generally exerts control over the household and minor religious practices and often wields considerable influence in domestic matters.

Family income flows into a common pool, from which resources are drawn to meet the needs of all members, which are regulated by the heads of the family. However, with urbanization and economic development, India has witnessed a break up of the traditional joint family into more nuclear-like families, and the traditional joint family in India accounted for a small number of Indian households.

Today the Joint Family System is slowly fading away and in my opinion, it is going to become extinct in near future.

There are many reasons for that.

With the introduction of many electronic gadgets like computers, mobile phones, video games and many other such electronic gadgets, the younger generation is slowly moving away from the attachment of family bonding and gets glued to such electronic items ignoring their elders and staying away separately.

Secondly, once after marriage, men are slowly moving away from their parents, the reasons may be many. But the main reason which I have seen in many houses is, that the newly married young women in such homes force their husbands to come out of such bonding called joint family and want to lead an independent life away from her in-laws. Don’t know why they want to avoid their aged in-laws?

In another incident which I have witnessed in many houses, the children, say, son and daughter, share their parents after their marriage. How? They draft an agreement that for one year the daughter would shelter her mother and during the same period the son would shelter his father. They both would swap their parents next year. What an inhuman way of treating aged parents? How cruel the children are nowadays? After coming to know of these incidents in many houses, tears swell from my eyes. Also, I lost sleep many nights. Without wanting to part this way, and unable to digest this type of ill-treatment meted out to them by their children, the aged ones, silently move away straight to old age homes.

Thirdly, even if the newly married couple continues to live in a joint family, a problem arises slowly and steadily first with small fights between mothers-in-law and daughters-in-law, that who should have control over the family, which escalates further if sisters-in-law too join the issue. Most of the TV serials are taken on the basis of such an unfortunate scenario which happens every day in many households. Or it is vice versa, after seeing such TV serials many families get divided from the joint family system.

All the above are from my own personal experiences after visiting many households.

I witnessed many aged parents who either have been ditched by their own children or those who have no children to take care of them and to make a living slowly started begging on the streets, in front of temples, railway platforms or going out looking for shelter homes.

Another incident is about the old age home that I’ve written about in this blog. I once visited an elderly home named ‘Dayamani Old Age Home’ run by one philanthropic minded individual. There were about 110 aged and deserted men and women. Some are brought by the volunteers of the home from roadside platforms. But, many have been deserted by their own children and taken shelter in the old age home.

As soon as I entered the home, all the eyes started looking at me expecting something, and some even came to me and start holding my hand and some hugged me. I enquired the caretaker, are they expecting something from me. She immediately said, No. Then she continued, they are expecting the lost love from those who visit them. She told me that these elder ones are still hoping that one day their children will visit the home and take them along. Hope that happens soon. This was another emotional incident in my life.

Now the importance and the necessity for such an Old Age Home arises.

Many philanthropic minded individuals or organizations after seeing the pitiable conditions of those aged people who would be begging on the streets, take them and admit them in such old age homes, which were once scarce, and have now been spread over everywhere.

This problem of ignoring elders and throwing them out of the house is severely inhumane. They are forced to live alone and are exposed to various kinds of problems such as lack of physical, social, emotional and financial support.

How to overcome this issue?  Simple. Youngsters, who are so brilliant in academics, need to spend some time daily learning the moral values of life, the practice of ethical living, and the value of parents and relatives along with their academic studies. If they do so, one day all the Old Age Homes will vanish and once again the joint family way of living will blossom. Unless the laws are enforced strictly, soon we might come across more Old Age Homes in India than normal homes.

Got an opportunity to visit ‘Dayamani old age home’. As I entered the kingdom of old people, I felt odd sensations in my stomach because It is a kind of home for those old people who for some reason cannot stay with their grown-up children or those who don’t have any family members to take care of them or those who have become alone and lonely in their old age owing to circumstances. At first, I was so sad and went through a whirlpool of emotions to see for the first time in my life there are such homes where the old people have to live without families. I personally feel people living in such old age homes feel very lonely and abandoned. The old people need their sons, daughters, and grandchildren to live happily. They are deprived of the love and affection of their grandchildren which is the only dream and aspiration of the seniors.

When I entered the home, I was taken by surprise as there were more people than I had imagined. There was a common room where elderly men and women ranging from the ages of 60 to the late 80s were seen. Some of them were indulged in watching the television, some were sipping tea and chatting, some ladies were busy knitting and others were staring at me. I had brought food, garments and blankets which I distributed amongst the members. They were ecstatic to have food from outside. I segregated myself and went to talk individually to everyone.

Encountering them is beyond any bliss and by giving love, I got a bouquet of blessings which is beyond any boon. We were extremely happy to see the camaraderie among the inmates. They often meet in the dining hall at meal timings and in the evening they sit in the park to share their sorrows and joys. For the first time in my life, I received immense satisfaction by capturing invaluable happiness which was easily seen on the face of the whole group.

Meet Marlee Meher, my personal favourite. I saw this brave old man who was sitting all alone after finishing his lunch. I sat with him for roughly fifteen minutes. At first, there was no verbal communication between us. He just saw me and put forward his hand towards me. When I reciprocated the same thing, he held my hands and started looking at me intently. I could see the moisture in his eyes. I felt an unusual warmth from his love that reminded me of my late grandfather and left me with watery eyes. This feeling was so tender and sensitive that I was lost in a deep antipathy for the unfortunate son who disowned such a precious gift. He was on cloud nine when I asked him, “Baba I want to take a photograph with you”.I’m going to preserve these emotions in my memories box forever.

Here is my another friend Maharangi Meher. I was fascinated by the wrinkles on her face and hands. While holding her hands, I could feel the bulging veins and rough texture. I asked her a question: Can you sum up your life experiences in a few lines? I was completely moved by her response. She told me that she didn’t want to sum up her life because she loved every bit of it. I was speechless by her sweet and short reply. At that moment, the little ups and downs in my life looked like a small waves in front of the ocean of her great wisdom. While cursing bad moments of our life, we forget to appreciate all the good things which we already have. We blow in the air of negativity to throw out all the positive elements from our life. In a nutshell, the mantra of her life was, “Enjoy life to the fullest.”

As, In the end, it’s not the years in your life that count. It’s the life in your years. – Abraham Lincoln

One can’t remain but appreciate the earnest efforts of ex Rajya Sabha member and well-known social activist Miss Pramila Bohidar in establishing this old age home for the needy senior citizens of our society who are neglected by their own children when they need it the most. She deserves kudos for her compassion, love and affection. A very praiseworthy selfless work by her. We all should extend our wholehearted cooperation in this noble work. My new friends including Murali and Maharangi Meher should be an example for others. Their unbridled attitude towards life can inspire many a person even young people and that should be the life- mantra for one and all.

The visit to the old-age home was indeed a fulfilling and purely divine experience.